In honor of SOPA, and blackouts, and blah blah blah blahbbity blah blah, I'm writing an extremely brief bit of advice.
I have spent 12 years trying to conceive, on and off. And in that time I have learned a LOT. Boatloads of stuff. Great ways to give injections, what exactly those grades mean on your embryos, and what kind of stuff can help embryos implant. (not much). Out of the 8 transfers I've done, I've been pregnant after 5 of those transfers.
But the most important thing I've learned is: Live your life. Live it right now, as it is, not as it will be. If you don't want to spend your life bitter and angry, don't. If you want to go on vacation, do. Treat your pregnant friends as you would if they never got pregnant. Love your spouse as you would if you never have children. Make plans, and keep them. Enjoy your home and make it beautiful, eat well, enjoy a drink, eat sushi... And before you wrinkle up your nose at this advice and say "It is easy for her to say she has three kids." Well...I didn't. I spent 6 years trying before I brought home my boys. My husband was on the brink of giving up, that 4th round of IVF was going to be our last. I almost lost my uterus, and spent over a year benched from ttc. I was going to foster care sites looking at kids and finding out what fostering entailed. It was almost over for me, and I wasn't angry, I didn't get bitter.
Whatever life brings, it is too short to spend over a decade in pain. I spent over a decade doing round after round of IVF, having chemical pregnancies, surgery,and miscarriages...but I didn't spend a decade of my life unhappy. Go out there and enjoy the journey. Even the parts that suck. And drink your coffee if you want. Cutting caffeine doesn't do a thing except give you headaches and make you cranky. Honest.
That last paragraph is so enormous -- that idea of losing a decade of your life if you let yourself. And I love that part about enjoying the journey -- even the parts that suck.
ReplyDeleteThat is most excellent advice. I sort of regret the time I waste not making plans because I'm waiting for stuff. I wish I could bring myself to throw caution to the wind...except that I get really angry when my plans are thrown into disarray. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteThis is single handedly the BEST post I've ever read. I'm going to print it out and post on my mirror.
ReplyDeleteThanks for giving me permission to drink caffeine again. I think I love you...
This is awesome advice. Not always the easiest to follow but definitely something to try to live by.
ReplyDeleteGREAT advice. Even for those of us on the "other side."
ReplyDeleteThis is great advice and I wish I had the capacity to take a step back when we were in the thick of infertility.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice and perspective on everything really. Maybe especially on the necessity of caffiene in life ;)
ReplyDeleteSeriously, loved this post. Thank you.
Words of wisdom, and coming from a woman who has been there, and has done that. I value your words and pleased to say that in my 3yrs so far ttc, I don't think we have ever stopped anything. I still drink my Shiraz in a 2WW, then at the end of it I shower in it. I've done things ttc that probably shouldn't be done at all, but I did them and I'm glad I did. I've snapped at a woman who told me we shouldn't be partying in a 2WW? Does that mean in total, for 6mths a year I wrap myself in bubble wrap and live off special smoothies, and not move or fart in case it upsets a 0.1% chance chance of an embryo in there. If an embryo was that fussy, then it wouldn't have my genes. But for those in an IVF 2WW, I would be psycho protective of my gut, because of the money and stress of the investment.
ReplyDeleteLike I said on my blog, I'm going to live through infertility, not stop living because of it. Xx
Great post....this is a must read for everyone on the journey to parenthood.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice. Not easy to follow, but so very true. Especially the caffeine part... :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks.
Definitely easier said than done, but great to strive towards. Thanks for this post.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice. I am going to do my best to try and heed it!
ReplyDeleteFantastic advice. This occurred to me over the last few weeks while I'm waiting to proceed with IVF. I'm going to do what I want to do when I want to do it and not dwell on the negatives....too bad I don't drink coffee.
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister!
ReplyDeleteI agree going without Caffeine is BS! It might make the kid a little more hyper in you but sugar will do the same too. Life is not a dress rehearsal. Live life every day and enjoy what you do.
ReplyDeleteahhhhh great post.
ReplyDeletewhat is you american's always say. word.
xxx
This post (and you!) are lovely and amazing!!!
ReplyDeleteXO
Great advice. Easier said than executed, but not for lack of trying, that's for sure. Thought, I do sleep better and wake up easier without caffeine, whether or not it has any effect on anything else!
ReplyDeleteAwesome advice! Thank you so much for being such an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI wish I was able to follow this advice, I honest to god do. I just don't know how. Still, I envy those who are able to maintain a sense of the "now" while battling for the future.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs,
Jo
I know, Jo. I guess I need to do a post on HOW to do it :) It isn't easy, though.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs back at ya!
You are such an inspiration to me. You probably don't even know...well, you do now!
ReplyDeleteDearest Chickenpig... I'm so sorry about your miscarriage and so sorry that I haven't been there for you. You have been through so much and I admire your bravely and determination. You're so right... about living for now. And love your line about coffee... giving that up has been the one thing that I've resented the most about this SIF journey ! Love to you always xoxo
ReplyDeleteAmen sister! My thoughts exactly.
ReplyDelete