I've been reading around the blogosphere lately, infertility blogs for the most part. (no surprise) And something has come to my attention. Women who become pregnant after infertility are a guilt ridden, apologetic, lot. I admit, I have succumbed to this phenomena as well. I have a fair share of survivor's guilt, or maybe it's just common sense. I don't want to throw the fact that I have been successful in anybody's face who may be reading this blog. I understand that I have signed up with other women who are undergoing treatment at the same time as I am. I have rolled out the red welcome mat, so to speak, to people who are trying RIGHT NOW to conceive. Chances are they don't want to read about my problems in the parenting trenches.
On the other hand, I am reading the blogs of women who are trying to get pregnant, and some that have recently become pregnant, and I want to continue reading their blogs. I'm hooked. I want to read about ongoing treatments AND ongoing pregnancies. But...I don't want to keep reading the apologies.
When you have had your head in a toilet bowl for 12 hrs straight because you're pregnant with twins, there is no need to preface your post with "I know I shouldn't be complaining about pregnancy symptoms, and I am really, really, grateful just to BE pregnant, BUT....." . You don't have to apologize. We get it. And if there are readers who don't get it, they should.
Listen up infertility universe, I'm talking to YOU. It is hard for us to get pregnant. And here's the kicker, it can be just as hard to BE pregnant. And after THAT (you're not going to want to hear this...sorry) it can be just as hard to parent. Yup, that's right, all three can really, really, suck. And at all three stages, we should have EVERY RIGHT TO COMPLAIN!
Complaining doesn't make you ungrateful. Having a hard day doesn't make you unworthy. Having to wait doesn't make being pregnant or parenting easier for us. (wish it did, but nope).
So bring it on, ladies. I will be reading your blogs, whether I get pregnant this cycle or not. I dare you all to say "I'm glad to be finally pregnant, but DAMN some days it just sucks!"
No apologies necessary :) Honest.
I love this post. I've been pregnant twice after IVF, and both times it SUCKED beyond belief. I was thrilled to be there, but felt like I had the worst case of the flu ever. When you are THAT miserable, it does make you wonder if you are cut out for all of this.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you this morning and sending all the sticky vibes in the world your way.
Hugs,
Jo
I've noticed this also. It seems like people are just worried about hurting/offending those who are still struggling. Which is nice--but I tend to agree with you. If you want to complain--complain. Your readers should understand.
ReplyDeleteLove this post! When I got pregnant in February I was just blown away by how hard it was and how sick I felt...like the worst hangover ever for two months straight...and it feels like if you went through a lot to get pregnant, you don't have the right to complain, which sucks. Another way having to deal with infertility makes you different from everyone else....
ReplyDeleteI don't understand readers who get so offended with real-life stories of pregnancy and/or kids...if you don't like it (or reading about pregnancy bothers you, for instance), you should stop reading, right? Everyone'll be OK with that...and it's so much better than berating someone for not being grateful for what they have.
Thanks for putting this issue out there.
And been thinking of you all day...sticky vibes, sticky vibes...can't wait to hear how it goes...
xo
Very well said. We all know the world we're writing in. People get pregnant, and pregnancy has it's own set of legit complaints.
ReplyDeleteAs an aside, I've been meaning to thank you for all of your thoughtful comments. Wishing you the best of luck with your FET. And hoping that last little embie makes it back to freeze as well.