It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Thank you everyone for helping me step off the edge. This 2ww has been driving me crazy since before it even started, and I knew it would. I have never POAS before, and obviously for a good reason, because I can't handle it.

I am usually very zen during the 2ww. I walk around with a little bubble of hope in my chest. I enjoy thinking to myself that 'right now I could be pregnant'. This time around though, I am just full of anxiety. The hope doesn't feel good, it feels like a lie I'm telling myself. I don't feel good about any of it. I guess I was hoping that I would get a faint BFP and put my mind at ease, although I knew reading the packaging how unlikely it was that I would see one. Maybe I'm just sabotaging myself? If so, it is probably because I would rather feel sad than nervous, if it makes any sense.

The good news is that it is Thursday. I only have tomorrow and Saturday to go, and they will be busy days. Sunday is my birthday, and I will be surrounded by friends and family in my new home, and if I get that BFN that I think I'll be getting, I'll be able to drink and celebrate my birthday. Even if my smile won't be as bright as it could be. And maybe, just maybe, I am wrong. At the very least, some of my anxiety is starting to fade and to become acceptance.

In the meantime, do any of you pee stick people know how good the test I took was? It was a CVS brand with a plus or negative sign instead of two lines. Any information regarding it's usefulness or lack thereof would be appreciated. (I know I should have gone with Jo's suggestion of using the Equate from Wal.mart, but my hubby bought it).