sung to the tune of 'my bonnie lies over the ocean'
The two week wait is driving me crazy
The two week wait is driving me mad
The two week wait is making me crazy
But beta day could make me sad
Bring back, bring back, oh bring back the happy to me, to me
Bring back, bring back, oh bring back the happy to me.
I've officially lost my mind. I thought I had until Wednesday to start slipping, but no, today is the day. You would think that I would be an old pro at this by now. I did too. You would think that because I'm going for a 'bonus baby' that it wouldn't matter to me either way. I thought that too, and apparently I'm wrong on that score too.
Why is it so HARD. I thought that I would have plenty to distract me. But no, the 2ww is distracting me from everything else. The mundane day to day tasks of laundry, dishes, and toy pick up allow me too much leeway to obsess about symptoms. I can't focus on any of the books I've bought or borrowed. And none of the other tricks I've used in the past will work for me. Before I've bought a cute baby outfit, or started knitting a blanket, something positive and hopeful...but I've always done it with the excuse that I can give the outfit and/or blanket to someone else when it doesn't work out, but now I've got nothing*.
The biggest thing that has always carried me through is the idea that I can try again. I still have the ace in the hole of two more cycles covered by insurance, but I'm not holding out any hope that I have any remaining embryos to use. And I know, I'm about 90% certain that my husband will put his foot down about trying a fresh cycle. To be honest, I don't really want to do one either. The chances of getting pregnant with my own eggs will be slim and the chance of miscarriage high. If only I had a blast in the hole I would feel so much better. (umm...that doesn't sound too good ;)
What I really want is to not want this soooo much. Aaaaarg!
*I think I may dabble in this option anyway. I can always send stuff to my internet buddies who have already gotten their BFP's, you know who you are. :)
Cute song. Hang in there. Maybe tackling those mundane tasks will distract you, but who are we kidding, right? Thinking of you. XX
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some magical way to speed up time so this wait would be over for you. The 2WW really is awful. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh, girl. I feel ya! This 2ww is enough to drive anyone literally off the brink. Are you SURE you don't want to join the POAS crazy train?!?
ReplyDeleteAnd while its sweet to think of your internet buddies, I'm still rooting for you and YOUR take-home baby. In fact, I think I have more faith in your pregnancy than my own at this point. So hang in there -- Saturday comes soon enough.
Big hugs,
Jo
Oh, I'm thinking of joining you, alright. I think I may be buying a couple today! Equate, you said? I'm going to get me some!
ReplyDeleteMy mom is coming over this afternoon, so at least I'll be too busy to think about it for a FEW hours at any rate :)
Every 2ww is awful. Hoping the rest of it speeds by.
ReplyDelete