First off, I have to say thank you for everyone who has been commenting and helping me through the last few days. Your advice and support has been greatly appreciated. I don't have many followers, but those of you who are here ROCK. Seriously...you all rock.
My husband and I have been together a long time. Seventeen years, to be exact. We went on our first date on June 10, 1994. (Holy crap, I'm old). To say that we know each other well is an understatement. Which is why I was so hurt and surprised when he stonewalled me on the ttc issue. I mean, how could he possibly expect me to stop on one FET when we have two insurance paid cycles still in the bag? It turns out he does know me, better than I know him, apparently.
Last night, shortly after I wrote my last post, I decided I would go and talk to DH again. Before I could start to beg and plead again he said "Ok.....this is what I want." And you know, just like he knew, the first word out of my mouth was "anything." Just tattoo the words SUCKER or EASY MARK across my forehead. Also JERK, because I didn't give him the benefit of the doubt. Because when something means that much to me he always tries to make me happy. And who can blame him for working the system? I'm the one who made the rookie mistake of showing my hand and going all in when I knew he held all the cards. In any case, I'm getting off easy, and I get to try again. And I know my husband's secret, he loves his kids, and he loves babies, and either way he comes out a winner. And I know he's afraid it will work, and I know he's afraid it won't work, and I know he's afraid that I'll end up hurt and broken...because I'm afraid too. And I know he loves me, and he knows I love him, and someday, with any luck, maybe there will be one more of us to love? I know the odds aren't good, but man, right now just the chance to try feels like victory :)
I am so glad you two were able to talk about this! Hope the next try is successful!
ReplyDeleteIve been reading along for a little bit now.I read your post yesterday and knew exactly how you were feeling. My hubby too is on the "NO" train of TTC. At first I didnt know the exact reasons as to why. Until we sat and had a 6 hour conversation that boils down to pain, fear and unknown. With all the pain that we both have endured through relationship when it comes to TTC and loss, I completely understand where he was coming from. I am glad to see that you two have had the chance to talk and come up with an agreement.
ReplyDeleteI just knew that couldn't be the end of it!
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for yesterdays post, even if it hurt to write it. It got me to sit down with K and discuss with him at what point is he going to tell me "no". It was a good check-in discussion just to ensure that we're still on the same page.
That is really good :) My hubby and I have had many such talks, about IF and other heavy subjects over the years. The good thing, is that for the most part my hubby and I still discuss, not yell or name call and get upset but really talk and listen to each other. In this case, I just really dropped the ball because I thought he knew that I wanted to use the remaining embryos AND insurance covered cycles, and he thought I was just going to use up the embryos and call it a night. I guess after 15 years I have become spoiled and don't know how to handle a misunderstanding, we just don't misunderstand each other that often.
ReplyDeleteYay, this is such great news! I am so happy for you! I hope soooooo much that this next time is a success for you! Will be cheering you on every step of the way!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 17 years of marriage!! And hooray for the good news. The chance to try is a GREAT victory!! Thanks for your advice and suggestions too, I really appreciate it. =0)
ReplyDelete17 years! many congratulations...what's your secret? :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you guys have made a plan that suits you.
thank you for stopping by my blog and for your kind words....
Also glad you were able to work this out and you get another chance. Wishing you loads of luck!
ReplyDeleteHope you did OK with the storms last weekend...sounds like your power was off for days and days...
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments on my blog this week. :)
I can see how naming twins can be a challenge. I'm pretty sure I don't want to do anything too match-y or rhyme-y (no offense to anyone who does this). We're a long way from having names picked out, besides my brother's name. Once we're out of the first trimester, we'll start working on it more...