Hey everyone in blog land. Just reporting that the D & C went well as can be expected. I really overdid it between Saturday and Christmas, and spent most of the day after Christmas pounding the ibuprofen and feeling sorry for myself.
I have spent a huge amount of time squeezing my kids until they push me away and being terribly over indulgent. Some of it because I'm just so thankful for their presence, but mostly because I'm tired and numb and don't see the reason why my kids need to be dressed before noon. I am trying to enjoy the things about this holiday season I like the most, but sometimes thinking about my favorite things just isn't enough, and this is one of those times.
2011 sucked ass. Our beautiful cat, our first pet that we took in as a kitten before we were married, died in September at the age of 15 years. My husband and I had terrible fights going round and round because of my desire to have another child. My wonderful husband gave in, and even came to be excited about the prospect of having another baby, only to have it come smack him in the face when we had the miscarriage. We had battles with our home owners insurance and had to tear down the garage...which is still lying mostly in a heap. And we got to see our lovely boy NB who LOVED school sooo much get further and further dragged down until the homework he used to beg for started driving him to tears. And I STILL have no idea for a color scheme for my dining room.
I wanted so much to have a baby to look forward to. Now I just have battles with the school and the drudgery of routine. There will be thousands of little joys and happy moments along the way, but they won't be the life changing ones I was hoping for. I am just so tired most of the time, and oh so very sad. I know that there will be happiness in the ordinary things, I just can't find it now.
My hope for you is 2012 is a year filled with happiness, even if it comes from unexpectant places.
ReplyDeleteHopefully soon things will come back to a more "normal" happiness in the home. We all get overwhelmed when the things that we figured would go well go awry. Okay so I don't know what to say, well except that I hope you feel better soon and are healing well. Maybe 2012 will bring us both some peace and happiness.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your recent comment, especially given all you are going through. I just caught up on everything and am so, so sorry. I have been through several miscarriages as well and can't even fathom having to be strong and pick up the pieces because you have to for your other kids. I so wish I could come cook, clean, and play with your kids so you could have some time for yourself. Hang in there. Give 2011 a swift kick in the ass. Wishing you a much happier 2012.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry everything is so hard right now. All I can say is I'm holding your hand through everything <3
ReplyDeleteHang in there girl. I haven't been dresses before noon for two weekends now.....enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteHere is to hoping 2012 is better to us all.
I am so sorry to hear this news. I haven't been checking blogs over the holidays like I should and was just heartbroken to hear. My heart goes out to you. :(
ReplyDeleteI just want to agree that 2011 sucked. Ok mine got slightly better at the end but it still SUCKED and your's sucked hugely. I am angry on your behalf you had to go through this before xmas. I am glad your children are letting you hug them as much as you can. I was going to ask about your dining room colour scheme - I know it is only a small thing but maybe it can keep your mind off all of the other yuck. xxx
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is I am sorry everything is so difficult right now. i am glad your little ones are there to hug. Hang in there and maybe post some pics of your dining room. I would love to see the progress!
ReplyDeletei am so sorry for you. i'm glad you are indulging yourself. squeeze those kiddos hard. try to be kind to yourself. we are all here for you. xoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you are feeling so sad. Give yourself some time...you've just been through something incredibly traumatic.
ReplyDeleteAnd sorry 2011 was so crappy. I had to laugh about your dining room...that IS terrible. :)
Hope 2012 brings you so much happiness.
Are you going to try again for a baby? Or do you know yet?
XOXO