Future perfect

Today, according to the IVF pregnancy calendar I used, I am almost 4 weeks pregnant. I find it amazing that two weeks ago while I was having my eggs removed from my body, I was already 2 weeks pregnant. It seems unbelievably optimistic to call the bunch of cells that only started to stick about a week ago 4 weeks old already. While they are fast forwarding, can't we fly straight though to 8 weeks? 11? I want to go past these weeks of uncertainty and vulnerability.

Yes, I looked at a due date calendar. I may have even perused gender neutral baby clothes on Amazo.n. It isn't naivete or optimism, but sanity survival mode. And hope, it is also a boat load of hope. And we all know what a two headed bitch hope can be.

For now, the future is bright. I'm pregnant with a zygote-future baby that is the size of a poppy seed. How can so much happiness hang on something the size of a poppy seed? I guess I'll just wait and see. I'll keep counting my symptoms and keeping track like they are clutch of baby chicks, and peeing on sticks to make sure that in fact, yes, I did see a second line and that it is in fact darker than yesterday. I'm just relieved that along with my giant portion of uncertainty I have been given a whopping side dish of happy.