Wordless Wednesday

Great Day :)

Today my twins turned six years old, and I saw the heartbeat of our little bean! Caboose baby is measuring at exactly 6 weeks four days with a strong heartbeat. I got two VERY bad pictures, but I have an appointment for a follow up appointment next week so I'm hoping I'll get a better picture then. I've been told to make an appointment with my OB, but to make it after my follow up visit. That is a nicer transition than they used to do where if you saw a heartbeat they just sent you in to the wilderness. I also walked away with a prescription for gel to squirt up my lady bits in exchange for the needles. It couldn't come at a better time because I'm running out of places on my butt that aren't lumpy, bumpy, and sore.

We took the kids out to a chain restaurant for dinner, mostly because DA has been begging us to go. We had a wonderful time. The kids enjoyed their food, especially the ice cream Sunday with the candles at the end. :) The boys looooved their presents. The hard part was getting them to go to bed when we came home after only playing with them for about a half an hour. (NB got Thomas coloring books, stickers, and both a new big box of crayons and markers, DB got an Imaginext space thing). I barely ate anything. It was so hot in the restaurant I thought I would die. I took some time cooling off outside when I went to get the gifts out of the van.

Sunday is the boys' big family birthday party. Looking around the house this evening I realize just how much I have to clean before I have my family here. Eeew that carpet is nasty! I haven't been doing any heavy cleaning like vacuuming all the carpets and scrubbing floors. It's been mostly picking up toys and clutter and doing laundry around here, along with a light cleaning of the bathrooms since the embryo transfer. It seems like a layer of grime and grunge has settled on everything...including the children. (it was bath night tonight, but we left early and got back too late). Now that I've seen a heartbeat I'm feeling more confident, but my husband is still going to have to help pick up the slack.

I can't believe my twins are six. I can't believe I'm actually pregnant again. Pretty soon reality is going to start sinking in...any minute now. I'm really a mom...and I'm going to be doing the baby thing again. Somebody pinch me :)

Thank You!

Two great bloggers have given me the Liebster award. :) Thank you to both Rebecca at Pink lipgloss and prenatals and NewYearMum!

I am terribly ignorant about blogging, I just type and publish. So it's going to take me some work and time to figure out how to publish the award, and to list the blogs I want to award in return. I just want you guys to know that I really appreciate the award, and I appreciate you :) Tutorials are GREATLY appreciated, btw...just be easy on me because I'm old and slow ;)

Tomorrow is a big day. The boys turn 6, and I am going in for my first ultrasound. Tuesday I had bloodwork and the nurse informed me that all was well, and that they would see me for my ultrasound and "Then off to the OB." What chipper confidence! It is taking some doing, but I am determined to feel positive about this pregnancy until I'm given a reason NOT to.

Today I am 6 weeks 3 days pregnant. (isn't it nice doing IVF? we are able to know how old our embryos are practically to the hour.) I feel like crap most days. I may be shaky and nauseous in the morning, but perfectly fine in the afternoon...or I'm fine until it suddenly hits me that I haven't eaten within the last few hours and I immediately feel like crap. I do better when I eat and drink regularly in small intervals, but nothing sounds appetizing. Believe me when I tell you that I am not complaining about these symptoms. It is a bit of a catch 22. I am trying very hard to eat, drink, and rest regularly to keep the shaky/nauseous feelings away, but when it works and I feel good panic creeps in. It is so complicated being pregnant in a post infertility world.

On a lighter note... You may have noticed that I am making baby hats for one of my readers. I don't want to leave anyone out, but I also don't want to *jinx* anyone by offering hats early on in a pregnancy. Soooo..... if and when any of you reach a point in your pregnancy when you feel ready, drop me a comment and I'll put you on the hat list :)

*why yes, I am extremely superstitious.

Thanksgiving

I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a wonderful husband. I have a beautiful home, that we were lucky enough to purchase in this terrible economy for a price that we could afford without straining our budgets. And of course, more than anything else, I am thankful for my children. I am thankful that they are here, in spite of all the odds that were against them being here. I'm thankful for their good health, even though we've had a couple of scares. I'm thankful that NB continues to learn and thrive and to show everyone how non disabling a disability can be. I'm thankful that I was given the chance to have one more child, and that for the time being, that the chance has proven successful.

With so much to be thankful for, you might find it hard to believe that there was a time when Thanksgiving sucked hard core. It was in fact one of the lowest points in my life to date, and has put every Thanksgiving since under its shadow, to the point where I wish I could fast forward through the damn holiday completely.

Yeah, it's got family. But it is the same exact family that I'll have over my house for the following Sunday to celebrate the twins' birthday. Sure, it's got food, but I've never liked turkey, and we've got Christmas coming up in a few weeks anyhow. And so far the holiday just baffles the kids. All this food and family...but it's not somebody's birthday? What, no balloons or cake?

Seven years ago on Halloween I found out I was pregnant for the first time ever. A few days before Thanksgiving we found out that the pregnancy was no longer viable, and in spite of the fact that my HCG levels kept stubbornly rising, it was a 'missed miscarriage'. By Thanksgiving day I was no longer pregnant, but my body didn't know it. The smell of the turkey cooking was unbelievably nauseating. I would have loved to knock back a few to numb the pain, but alcohol tasted like metal in my mouth and made me gag. On top of feeling pregnant when I wasn't any longer, I was bleeding, aching, and tired. All I wanted was to curl up with a heating pad and weep...for days and days. In retrospect, I wish I had. Who cares what my family would think about my absence? If I had, maybe Thanksgiving wouldn't be the doomed holiday it has felt like ever since...even in the midst of my good fortune.

Please let this new and fragile pregnancy continue so I can look at Thanksgiving as a time of joy, and not the beginning of the end. And please bless my fellow infertile travelers who are pregnant the same peace of mind.

5 weeks

I'm 5 weeks pregnant today. It feels really weird to say it...but it will probably be really weird to be 10 weeks pregnant...or 22 if I should get that far. I even FEEL pregnant, which is weirder still, because I don't think I've ever really felt pregnant at 5 weeks before. Usually 5 weeks is the calm before the storm, the first symptoms of pregnancy have settled down, and the second bout that happens after 6 weeks has yet to kick in. But the last couple of days I have started to get a serious aversion to food, steady nausea, and a crazy sense of smell. Not to mention 'the girls'. They are so sensitive that the slightest cold draft makes them ache, which in this house is just about all the time. I'm wearing a sweater in the house 24/7, even though it has been unseasonably warm here in the North East.

Normally this would make me feel good about things. Pregnancy is progressing as expected...check. But I live in 'opposite world' where good embryos, good numbers, and good symptoms don't necessarily mean good outcomes...but where ugly embryos, low and non doubling betas, and no symptoms do. The last time I started out with a first beta like this and a good, solid doubling I ended up with a miscarriage. I guess I just don't know what to expect when I'm expecting anymore. But I'm still smiling :)

Beta 2

Whew! My second beta came in at 289, a little bit higher than doubling. I can't believe it took them until 4:30 to call today! I was about ready to crawl out of my skin by the time the phone rang. Progesterone looks good, too, for once at 29.5. (it is usually too low and I have to supplement with suppositories on top of the shots).

My ultrasound has been scheduled for November 29th, the twins' 6 birthday. I also have another blood check in between, next Tuesday I think.

Thanks to everyone who has weighed in on the dining room. There seems to be a lot of grey votes :) Ironically, I was just checking out a video of a beautiful Federal mansion where they had painted the entire first floor a pretty dove grey with bright white trim on the woodwork. Now THAT place was unbelievable! I wouldn't want to heat it though *shudder*. I'm checking out that website, too, Chon, every little bit helps! And wallpaper isn't a bad idea either... Maybe one with yellow and grey?

Now with pictures

This is the dining room in all of its green glory. And a gratuitous shot of the kidlets in their Halloween costumes. Please disregard the crazy hallway mess, it is mostly furniture, curtains, and odds and ends from the parlor, and assorted junk which collects on tables that are being ignored.

There were supposed to be a couple more shots from the other direction but it seems that the camera battery went belly up.

I have been perusing Pinterest and getting a few ideas. I have got to be careful of that site, I could spend all day there! Anyway... feed back much appreciated. Even if it is only "My g-d those are some butt ugly '70s chairs you've got there!" (yes, they are, and wickedly uncomfortable to boot).