Chicken the Pig

A few brief answers about me.

• Chickenpig comes from my maiden name ( Peck ham). It was a nickname given to me in college by some of my closest friends, when the internet wasn't even a twinkling in Al Gore's eye. But, we did have bulletin boards, mostly inhabited by college kids, and open chat rooms, and Chickenpig became my identity. It has been ever since. I was occasionally called 'the Oinkclucker' .
• I am 40 years old. I'll be 41 the day after my beta for my 7th IVF, 4th frozen cycle.
• I am an art historian and worked as a museum professional. Because of the difficulty of finding any job that pays in my chosen profession I have made eyewear, worked in a daycare, and passed my black jack dealer's audition at one of our local Indian casinos.
  
• My husband is a mechanical engineer. It is his job making giant machines of death for the navy that has paid for the conception of our children. Like being in the military, because his company and the military work hand in hand, he is often sent on long term work assignments, the longest for over a year. He is 41 years of age, and has wonky sperm.
  
• No, twins do not run in my family ;)
  
• I have 3 children, twin boys who are 5 and a daughter that just turned three. One of our sons has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, a mild form of autism.
  
• We all live in CT, our house was built circa 1810 on the town green. The neighborhood is on the national register of historic places. Before I ever dreamed of being married, or having children, I dreamed of this house.
  
• I can weave, hook rugs, sew a gown by hand, cook over an open fire, set type by hand, and operate a printing press all while telling tourists where the bathroom is.
  

Thanks for reading :)

State of the Ute

3dp3dt and all is well. :) I just felt like posting something to help me focus on the here and now instead of the ambiguous future.

What I'm doing:

• Playing a TON of Gardens of Time on FB. The twins, especially N, really like this, and I admit it kills a lot of time...and it's free.
  
• Trying to remember to drink plenty of water.
  
• Avoiding the stairs, lifting anything heavy, or raising my core body temperature.
  
• Spending every spare minute I'm not working reading the blogs of fellow cyclers of the Tour de Crotch.
  
• Eating...a lot. The progesterone makes me HUNGRY.
  
• Feeling very upbeat and optimistic. :)
• Staring obsessively at the picture of my embryos. They really are beautiful.
  
• Taking estrogen, baby aspirin, pre natal vitamins, estrogen patches, and shots of progesterone in the upper quadrant of my ample buttocks.
  

What I'm not doing. (or trying to not be doing, take your pick)

• Obsessing every minute about symptoms or how I'm feeling.
  
• Checking the mail every five minutes to see if the letter from the clinic about the remaining embryos is there.
  
• Worrying about how what I'm doing or not doing, eating or not eating, is affecting the embryos ,chances of implanting.
  
• Acupuncture, pineapple eating, wheat grass drinking, standing on my head, or any other 2ww craziness.
• Giving into feelings of despair or hopelessness that this cycle is a bust. (at least not yet)
• Peeing on a stick. I will not. no no no no no.
  
• Drinking alcohol, more than one cup of coffee a day, drinking anything caffeinated other than my 1 cup of coffee.
  
• Sleeping very much.
  

What my embryos are doing (hopefully...fingers crossed)

• At six days post ovulation the embryos are most likely still expanding and collapsing like supernovas on crack. At some point, maybe today (please, oh please), the embryos will stretch and polarize. They are now blastocysts and they snuggle into my uterine lining, as they continue to grow, and split, and then IMPLANT. (Woot!).
  

PS....

Beta is on the 13th, the day before me birthday. Still no word on the embryos in culture.

Non pregnancy pregnancy symptoms

A couple more days and I'll be half way through the 2ww. Which is another way of saying that it has been a whopping 2 days since my 3 day embryo transfer ;)

Right now I have what feels like the worst case of PMS going on. Thanks to being shot with 1 and 1/2 cc's of progesterone in the butt, plus taking estrogen pills 3X a day on top of the patches, I'm a giant bowl of hormonal soup. My boobs are the size of Texas and are SORE , I feel weird random cramps and twinges, and I seem to be endlessly hungry. On top of this, the prenatal vitamins make me feel queasy and give me heartburn. (I take them at night, because otherwise it bothers me during the day. Now I remember why I stopped taking the *beeping* things during pregnancy last time. Vitamins don't agree with me).

These symptoms bother me because they will only continue the more progesterone I do. In the past, I have been able to separate the real pregnancy symptoms from the drug induced pregnancy symptoms, but I don't think I will be able to this time. I just wish I didn't feel like I'm on the verge of the period from Hell ;)

Pretty is as pretty does.

Transfer day! Everything went according to plan. Hubby and I arrived right on time. I had it timed just right, bladder full but not uncomfortable. Business as usual. Unfortunately, they had to thaw all 4 embryos to get two good ones to transfer. Both of those embryos are a grade 2, 8 cell, beauties. About as nice as you can get frozen, according to the Doc. The other two were both grade 2's also, one a 6 cell and the other only had two. They are putting them in culture for a couple of days to see if they make it to blast and then re freeze. My RE says there is a good chance the 6 cell will make it, but not so much the 2 cell.

I was saddened by the news. I wish now that I had told them to transfer the 2 cell embryo as well, what would it have hurt? I don't believe that the pretty embryos are always the ones that stick. In fact, I have lots of evidence to the contrary. My twins started out as lumpy, poor grade embryos of only 4 and 6 cells respectively, with lots of fragmentation to boot. On the other hand, I transferred 12 embryos that were picture perfect. You should have SEEN the 4 beauties I transferred in my first two cycles. They looked like embryos from a text book. And so did the ones I transferred today, with just a teensy tad of fragmentation from the thaw process holding them back from perfection. What a mystery this whole process is.

Anyway, chances are I don't have the fall back plan I was hoping for. This scares me, because in my mind I was already prepared for the next FET. If I don't get pregnant, and the embryos don't make it to the next stage, this may be the end of the road for me.

Honey Badger Don't Care

I've been reading around the blogosphere lately, infertility blogs for the most part. (no surprise) And something has come to my attention. Women who become pregnant after infertility are a guilt ridden, apologetic, lot. I admit, I have succumbed to this phenomena as well. I have a fair share of survivor's guilt, or maybe it's just common sense. I don't want to throw the fact that I have been successful in anybody's face who may be reading this blog. I understand that I have signed up with other women who are undergoing treatment at the same time as I am. I have rolled out the red welcome mat, so to speak, to people who are trying RIGHT NOW to conceive. Chances are they don't want to read about my problems in the parenting trenches.

On the other hand, I am reading the blogs of women who are trying to get pregnant, and some that have recently become pregnant, and I want to continue reading their blogs. I'm hooked. I want to read about ongoing treatments AND ongoing pregnancies. But...I don't want to keep reading the apologies.

When you have had your head in a toilet bowl for 12 hrs straight because you're pregnant with twins, there is no need to preface your post with "I know I shouldn't be complaining about pregnancy symptoms, and I am really, really, grateful just to BE pregnant, BUT....." . You don't have to apologize. We get it. And if there are readers who don't get it, they should.

Listen up infertility universe, I'm talking to YOU. It is hard for us to get pregnant. And here's the kicker, it can be just as hard to BE pregnant. And after THAT (you're not going to want to hear this...sorry) it can be just as hard to parent. Yup, that's right, all three can really, really, suck. And at all three stages, we should have EVERY RIGHT TO COMPLAIN!

Complaining doesn't make you ungrateful. Having a hard day doesn't make you unworthy. Having to wait doesn't make being pregnant or parenting easier for us. (wish it did, but nope).

So bring it on, ladies. I will be reading your blogs, whether I get pregnant this cycle or not. I dare you all to say "I'm glad to be finally pregnant, but DAMN some days it just sucks!"

No apologies necessary :) Honest.

Happy Day!

Today, at 9:40 AM, my little baby AK turned 3 years old. Three already, I can't believe it.

AND, Kristen, over at Buck up Butturcup got a HUGE BFP today!!!!!!

Happiness. :)


I can't wait for more of those to roll in, because I know they're out there. Maybe even one for me????? (hint, hint, infertility universe).


I got my call from the nurse. Transfer is scheduled for 11:30 AM on Tuesday, but I have to show up there at 11:00 with a full bladder. It's going to be a busy two week wait for me. We've got a combined birthday party for myself and Princess Adele Fussy Pants on Sunday the 14th. It won't be the first party we've had here at the 'Doctor Willia.m Harr.is'* residence, but it will be the biggest one so far, if we can get everyone to attend. It will also be the first time some of my rather stuck up relatives will see the house, so you know, it's got to look all perty.

I have begun my preparation for this time the best I can so far. Yesterday I cleaned the upstairs bathroom, including all the somewhat harsh chemicals that are only needed infrequently. Hubby will only have to touch it up for the party. The rest of today and Monday will involve heavy floor cleaning, because due to bleeding and spotting I've had during pregnancies in the past, especially right after vacuuming, I am justifiably wary of cleaning them after transfer. After transfer, and a very brief rest, I'll probably continue straitening, laundry, dusting, window cleaning, stuff that doesn't need lifting or stretching. My biggest concern is the garden, which right now looks like ass, and I won't want to be working in it in the sun. If I am lucky enough to get pregnant, I won't care about letting it go to seed until the fall, but I don't want it looking this way for company. Maybe tonight and Monday I can tackle the lion's share of the weeds....

Other than that, I've got a stack of books from the library, shopping for AK to do, and maybe a knitting project? I'm looking forward to having those embryos thawed and hopefully setting up shop!!!! This cycle is taking FOREVER.

Congrats again to Kristen!!!! Looking forward to doubling betas and a great ultrasound (fingers crossed, knock on wood and all that :)

*Dr Will.am Har.ris is the gentleman who built our house, somewhere betweein 1796 and 1818, records vary. He might not actually have built it, but purchased it from a different doctor in 1820. I've broken up the gents name, because if you google him you will be able to see my house :) and find this blog.