Friday totally sucked. My husband decided to have a total freak out and change his mind before we were supposed to go in for the retrieval. We did end up going, but we were very late, and things did not go smoothly. The nurses found us a little office to sit and talk about what we wanted to do. We could either throw in the towel and do a cycle another time, or we could go through with the retrieval if my husband was willing, and put the embryos on ice for another time. They refused to do a transfer on Monday. After all the shit my husband put me through, he decided that he would go through with it. I'm not sure what the point was, since I'm sure those embryos will never see the light of day. We have used up our insurance, so we will have to pay for a thaw cycle out of pocket, and we have to go to the IVF counselor first...which I doubt I will get my husband to attend. And all I kept thinking was I'm supposed to be pregnant right now! What the hell would he do when the baby arrived in July? Disown it?
I would never have bought the medications if I didn't have his support. I wrote right here on this blog that I called him before I put in the order and confirmed that it was ok to move forward. Friday was not the time to back out. Now I can neither hope to become pregnant, or have the closure I so desperately wanted. Now I don't get to be finished...this cycle is indefinitely frozen at it's midpoint. I don't know if, or when, I'll know when to get rid of the crib upstairs. Now I am in limbo forever.
I had 16 eggs, 15 were mature, 8 fertilized. Not that it makes any difference.
Oh, I can't believe this is happening to you. This is the absolute last thing I expected to hear. I'm so, so, so, so sorry.
ReplyDeleteSending you tons of love and support....
XOXO
Oh Chickenpig.... I'm so so sorry. I've been thinking of you all w.end and hoping that it worked out OK. My husband oscillates b/n excited and not wanting to do it... and we need their support to get through this. I hope that there's a path forward and that this cycle works out somehow. You are in my thoughts and my heart goes out to you xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I hope you and your husband can figure things out!!
ReplyDeleteOh my I am so sorry about this. I can tell how bad you wanted this so this must be heartbreaking for you. Hopefully you and your husband can work throught this together. Whatever the out come.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that happened! I'm so sorry. As if it isn't hard enough already.
ReplyDeleteOh hon, that is awful. I am so incredibly sorry that Friday went that way.
ReplyDeleteOh, this is not what I wanted to read. I'm so sorry he keeps waffling. It makes everything so much harder, I'm sure. I wish I could fix this for you.
ReplyDeleteoh no. i am so sorry. all of this is so stressful on a marriage. but the timing of this just completely blows. you are in my thoughts.
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The emotions of all of this can definitely take its toll. Hang in there girl and take care of you!
ReplyDeleteIF sure puts a marriage through the ringer. You two will work this out. Keep the faith, girl!
ReplyDeleteI am so so so so sorry!
ReplyDeleteOh my, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. Hoping you can work things out. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteHow did that happen?! That's like being left at the alter! He should have had his feelings figured out before Friday! I am so sorry you had to go through that stressful of a retrieval. I really hope you and hubby can talk through this and he can open up to you. It sounds like he has a lot to figure out.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sh*t storm.
Oh, don't mind me I'm hormonal right now and I'd love to go off on your husband but I'm not really allowed. So I'll have to say that he is being a jerk and leave it at that.
ReplyDeleteI won't stand in your way.
DeleteOh, hell. I am so, so very sorry. For some reason, this feels so much more painful than "just" a negative cycle or failed transfer. This feels like a whole different set of problems compounded on top of it. Abiding with you and holding your hand, sweetie. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm with Rebecca -- I think your husband is due for a severe ass-kicking. Really? REALLY?!?! This just goes so far past bad timing. He had EVERY chance to say no before this -- and he bails the DAY OF RETRIEVAL?!? I would totally have gone without him -- and forged his signature on the paperwork to boot. You are a way better person than I am. I am so fucking sorry you have to go through this.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could have gone w/o him. They wouldn't have done the retrieval without someone to drive me home. He needs a serious ass kicking, that's for sure.
Deleteoh Chickenpig! I have been so absent from here, it's not even funny. I am so, so sorry to read this. Take care of you and get some space maybe....urghhhh...so angry for you!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, hell. That feels so, so unfair. I'm so, so sorry that you're in this space ... infertility is so hard on relationships. :( Sending you a hug, and hoping that you are finding ways to be kind to yourself right now.
ReplyDeleteHis actions repeatedly say I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS, but his words are the complete antithesis. Of course this leaves you upset, angry, and freaking confused?! At what point is he going to be honest with you (and himself)?
ReplyDeleteAnd unfortunately his actions say "I MIGHT want to do this" too. We had the option at the clinic to just go home, which you would think would be his choice, but NO. He chose to spank in a cup and make embryos. Why? It's not like anyone had a gun to his head.
DeleteUGH!!!!!! Come on man! I can't believe he is doing this! He needs to figure things out. Men just don't talk about what is going on and then they do stupid shit like this! I am so so sorry hon. Take care of you.
ReplyDeleteHere from LFCA. So sorry for this epic suckage you are going through. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteHere from LFCA. I am so sorry.
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