Remembering

Today is Remembrance Day. October 15th has been set aside for a day to think about those who have a miscarriage, stillbirth, or a child who has died very young. At 7:00 o'clock, wherever you happen to be, if you are remembering a loss, it is the time to light a candle for an hour and reflect.

I am not one for this kind of reflection...at least not for myself. I have had a miscarriage very early on at 8 weeks. At the time I was devastated, but I don't mourn now. I had a chemical pregnancy which broke my heart at the time, but now barely lingers in my memory. The sadness that breaks my heart today is for others: For Cecily, who lost her twins Nicholas and Zachary when they were just on the cusp of viability. For Missconception who just lost her twins at 20 weeks. For Eve who lost her boy William, for Chon, for Jen, for Mo, For Tertia, for Kristen, For Alex at Firsttimetwins who lost her twin baby girls.....for everyone. There aren't enough candles in my house. There aren't enough candles in the World to shine a light big enough for everyone to see. These children were real. Our grief is real. See us!

Today I remember Catherine Louisa. She would have been my Grandfather's aunt, had she lived. She was born, and died, between censuses. She was a mysterious gap between children on my family tree. Then we found my Great great grandmother's bible, and there she was. My ancestor Sarah's grief was pressed between almost every page in the form of a poem, a black scrap of mourning silk, an obituary, a mourning card, and endless scraps of paper filled with sadness. No one who ever looked upon Catherine's face is still alive to remember her. Her body was buried far away from the rest of our family in up state New York...all alone. I light my candle for her.