No More Debbie Downer for me!

Begone, bad thoughts! Begone I say! I started out at the beginning of this FET cycle thankful to have the chance to grab for that brass ring just one...more...time, and Damn It (Janet!) I'm going to stay that way! Hopeful and Thankful. (and nonononono those are NOT going to be the names of my next set of twins. Bite your tongue!).

I have been upset more for other bloggers than myself. Women who need this cycle to work a heck of a lot more than I do. Unfortunately, luck doesn't work that way. There isn't some cosmic number of BFP's out there being parsimoniously handed out like trophies at a state fair. Sure, all of us won't win, but we all COULD.

But....and this is a BIG but (yeah, yeah I said Big But). I already have children. Three children, to be exact: soft, squishy, squirmy, often smelly, loud, messy, and occasionally bratty children. This FET is a total bonus. At the very beginning I intended to make it like a romp, and infertile holiday if you will. I was going to throw 'cautiously optimistic' to the winds and do as the fertiles do. I was going to pick nursery colors before I had my legs up in the stirrups. I was going to start picking out baby names and drop coy hints on Fartbook that we were going to 'start trying' . What the heck? But I haven't been able to quite pull it off, as my last post would attest. Somewhere along the line it stopped being just about me, but about all the brave women I'm cycling with (sorry, that makes it sound like we are all racing in the Tour de Crotch, it is VERY hot here). Somewhere along the line it stopped being just a lark, and an honest to g.od cycle with honest to g.od consequences. Somewhere along the line it stopped being just IVF #7, but the chance at baby #4. A baby....a soft, squishy, often smelly baby, a mix of my husband and me. Now all I want to do is curl up in a ball and mumble over and over "please, please,PLEASE let it work. oh please please please."

Hopeful and Thankful :)