I woke up this morning to cramping and bleeding. The phone line for the OB office is busy and it took me an hour for me to get my husband on the phone. I'm hoping that this is just bleeding from the progesterone gel, but it doesn't look good. Please give any good thoughts that you can spare for the bean and me.
The bleeding has turned much lighter and brownish. I finally got a hold of the OB office and they won't be able to see me until 1 PM. WTH? I'm still cramping like crazy, and although there wasn't much blood to speak of when I went to the bathroom, there was some tissue looking stuff (small amount) at the bottom of the bowl that made the water all ominously red. This shouldn't be happening. I just keep telling myself that I've been through this scary stuff before and still been pregnant at the other end. I just wish I didn't have to wait all day to find out if there is still any hope for this one.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Living in two time zones
I'm 8 weeks and 4 days pregnant today. I had my first OB appointment yesterday, but it was just an intake visit. I got to pee in a cup and have my blood drawn, but I didn't get to see the bean :( I really came close to begging the nurse, or maybe slipping her a twenty or something. She tried to reassure me by saying that if I "felt pregnant" that I was doing ok. The problem is that I don't always feel that pregnant. Yeah, my boobs are kind of sore, but the nausea is mostly gone the last couple of days. I was tired yesterday, but I had plenty of energy on Sunday and Monday. I know that there isn't anything I can do but wait, but it is taking sooooo long. How can I still be at only 8 weeks? I feel like I have been nervously marking time in the first trimester for 17 weeks already!
On the other hand, Christmas is rapidly approaching. We just got the tree up on Sunday. It is already Wednesday, and I'm still not finished decorating the thing. We have NO gifts purchased, except for the stocking stuff I've been buying here and there. Every other day there is something else that I have to do things for, Friday it was the Historical Society potluck, next week there are two school parties. And so on and so on. I want the 21st to come sooo badly because I will get to see the bean again. But on the other hand, I need this time to get stuff done. I want to be happy that I'm pregnant, not scared stiff. I want to be excited about Christmas, not tired and stressed. I think I will have to focus on Christmas and try to enjoy doing some of the things I love the best, shop like crazy this weekend, and hope that some of my pregnancy symptoms come back in force to reassure me. The 21st is coming and Christmas is coming no matter what, so I'd better make the most of it.
On the other hand, Christmas is rapidly approaching. We just got the tree up on Sunday. It is already Wednesday, and I'm still not finished decorating the thing. We have NO gifts purchased, except for the stocking stuff I've been buying here and there. Every other day there is something else that I have to do things for, Friday it was the Historical Society potluck, next week there are two school parties. And so on and so on. I want the 21st to come sooo badly because I will get to see the bean again. But on the other hand, I need this time to get stuff done. I want to be happy that I'm pregnant, not scared stiff. I want to be excited about Christmas, not tired and stressed. I think I will have to focus on Christmas and try to enjoy doing some of the things I love the best, shop like crazy this weekend, and hope that some of my pregnancy symptoms come back in force to reassure me. The 21st is coming and Christmas is coming no matter what, so I'd better make the most of it.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
7w3days, awards and stuff
Today I am 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I had my follow up ultrasound today and all is well with the little bean. I had a scary moment lying on the table when my doc and his intern were studying the screen intently and looking puzzled and I was sure that there was no longer a fetus in there. Then they had to reassure me that there was indeed a fetus in there with a heartbeat pumping away and turn the screen to face me. I could see the bright spot flashing steadily, with a blob around it, but it was terribly fuzzy. (hence their puzzled expressions). They gave up trying to measure the little bugger after several minutes to get the heart rate (a respectable 152 bpm), and then had to go back to try and measure again. Eventually they got a decent measurement of 7w3d, right on target, but the pictures they gave me are so terrible that they are hardly worth having. Seeing the heartbeat again was wonderful, though, and well worth the painful prodding.
I have also been given an award. I would like to thank Pink Lip Gloss and Prenatals and Greetings from Nowhere, NM for this award:
I am a little fuzzy with the rules, but I think I have to state 7 things about myself and then give the award to 15(?!) bloggers and tell them that I've given them the award. Well...here goes nothing :)
1. I am a 14th generation American and I can trace at least one ancestor back the 11th century in England.
2. My husband and I met when we were both working at the Stap.les distribution center. (They pack up the orders that come in from the 1-800 number and ship them out overnight). He was working a Summer job and I was saving up for Graduate school.
3. My house was burned down by a drug addicted arsonist when I was 10 years old.
4. I play the flute. I was a marching band geek from when I was in 7th grade until I graduated from High School. Our marching band had a ton of respect though. We won both national and international awards.
5. I had a giant fibroid that was roughly the size of a grapefruit. I had to have it surgically removed and it benched me from ttc efforts for over a year. It was named 'Nessie, creature of the black lagoon'.
6. My favorite job was working at a living history museum. I cooked over an open fire, set type and worked a hand powered press, gave garden tours, and showed thousands of people where the restrooms were.
7. It took my husband and I 6 years of trying to conceive before we took home our twins. After that it took 4 more rounds of IVF to bring home my daughter and to get pregnant with this bean. I have officially been with my RE longer than I have been with any other doctor except my pediatrician as a child. He actually had a tear in his eye when I left his office today.
Now for the blogs. I nominate....
Everybody in my reader! I want to be more specific but I have to stop writing this RIGHT NOW so I don't have time to work out the hyper linky love. I'll get the hang of this, I promise.
I have also been given an award. I would like to thank Pink Lip Gloss and Prenatals and Greetings from Nowhere, NM for this award:
I am a little fuzzy with the rules, but I think I have to state 7 things about myself and then give the award to 15(?!) bloggers and tell them that I've given them the award. Well...here goes nothing :)
1. I am a 14th generation American and I can trace at least one ancestor back the 11th century in England.
2. My husband and I met when we were both working at the Stap.les distribution center. (They pack up the orders that come in from the 1-800 number and ship them out overnight). He was working a Summer job and I was saving up for Graduate school.
3. My house was burned down by a drug addicted arsonist when I was 10 years old.
4. I play the flute. I was a marching band geek from when I was in 7th grade until I graduated from High School. Our marching band had a ton of respect though. We won both national and international awards.
5. I had a giant fibroid that was roughly the size of a grapefruit. I had to have it surgically removed and it benched me from ttc efforts for over a year. It was named 'Nessie, creature of the black lagoon'.
6. My favorite job was working at a living history museum. I cooked over an open fire, set type and worked a hand powered press, gave garden tours, and showed thousands of people where the restrooms were.
7. It took my husband and I 6 years of trying to conceive before we took home our twins. After that it took 4 more rounds of IVF to bring home my daughter and to get pregnant with this bean. I have officially been with my RE longer than I have been with any other doctor except my pediatrician as a child. He actually had a tear in his eye when I left his office today.
Now for the blogs. I nominate....
Everybody in my reader! I want to be more specific but I have to stop writing this RIGHT NOW so I don't have time to work out the hyper linky love. I'll get the hang of this, I promise.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Great Day :)
Today my twins turned six years old, and I saw the heartbeat of our little bean! Caboose baby is measuring at exactly 6 weeks four days with a strong heartbeat. I got two VERY bad pictures, but I have an appointment for a follow up appointment next week so I'm hoping I'll get a better picture then. I've been told to make an appointment with my OB, but to make it after my follow up visit. That is a nicer transition than they used to do where if you saw a heartbeat they just sent you in to the wilderness. I also walked away with a prescription for gel to squirt up my lady bits in exchange for the needles. It couldn't come at a better time because I'm running out of places on my butt that aren't lumpy, bumpy, and sore.
We took the kids out to a chain restaurant for dinner, mostly because DA has been begging us to go. We had a wonderful time. The kids enjoyed their food, especially the ice cream Sunday with the candles at the end. :) The boys looooved their presents. The hard part was getting them to go to bed when we came home after only playing with them for about a half an hour. (NB got Thomas coloring books, stickers, and both a new big box of crayons and markers, DB got an Imaginext space thing). I barely ate anything. It was so hot in the restaurant I thought I would die. I took some time cooling off outside when I went to get the gifts out of the van.
Sunday is the boys' big family birthday party. Looking around the house this evening I realize just how much I have to clean before I have my family here. Eeew that carpet is nasty! I haven't been doing any heavy cleaning like vacuuming all the carpets and scrubbing floors. It's been mostly picking up toys and clutter and doing laundry around here, along with a light cleaning of the bathrooms since the embryo transfer. It seems like a layer of grime and grunge has settled on everything...including the children. (it was bath night tonight, but we left early and got back too late). Now that I've seen a heartbeat I'm feeling more confident, but my husband is still going to have to help pick up the slack.
I can't believe my twins are six. I can't believe I'm actually pregnant again. Pretty soon reality is going to start sinking in...any minute now. I'm really a mom...and I'm going to be doing the baby thing again. Somebody pinch me :)
We took the kids out to a chain restaurant for dinner, mostly because DA has been begging us to go. We had a wonderful time. The kids enjoyed their food, especially the ice cream Sunday with the candles at the end. :) The boys looooved their presents. The hard part was getting them to go to bed when we came home after only playing with them for about a half an hour. (NB got Thomas coloring books, stickers, and both a new big box of crayons and markers, DB got an Imaginext space thing). I barely ate anything. It was so hot in the restaurant I thought I would die. I took some time cooling off outside when I went to get the gifts out of the van.
Sunday is the boys' big family birthday party. Looking around the house this evening I realize just how much I have to clean before I have my family here. Eeew that carpet is nasty! I haven't been doing any heavy cleaning like vacuuming all the carpets and scrubbing floors. It's been mostly picking up toys and clutter and doing laundry around here, along with a light cleaning of the bathrooms since the embryo transfer. It seems like a layer of grime and grunge has settled on everything...including the children. (it was bath night tonight, but we left early and got back too late). Now that I've seen a heartbeat I'm feeling more confident, but my husband is still going to have to help pick up the slack.
I can't believe my twins are six. I can't believe I'm actually pregnant again. Pretty soon reality is going to start sinking in...any minute now. I'm really a mom...and I'm going to be doing the baby thing again. Somebody pinch me :)
Monday, November 28, 2011
Thank You!
Two great bloggers have given me the Liebster award. :) Thank you to both Rebecca at Pink lipgloss and prenatals and NewYearMum!
I am terribly ignorant about blogging, I just type and publish. So it's going to take me some work and time to figure out how to publish the award, and to list the blogs I want to award in return. I just want you guys to know that I really appreciate the award, and I appreciate you :) Tutorials are GREATLY appreciated, btw...just be easy on me because I'm old and slow ;)
Tomorrow is a big day. The boys turn 6, and I am going in for my first ultrasound. Tuesday I had bloodwork and the nurse informed me that all was well, and that they would see me for my ultrasound and "Then off to the OB." What chipper confidence! It is taking some doing, but I am determined to feel positive about this pregnancy until I'm given a reason NOT to.
Today I am 6 weeks 3 days pregnant. (isn't it nice doing IVF? we are able to know how old our embryos are practically to the hour.) I feel like crap most days. I may be shaky and nauseous in the morning, but perfectly fine in the afternoon...or I'm fine until it suddenly hits me that I haven't eaten within the last few hours and I immediately feel like crap. I do better when I eat and drink regularly in small intervals, but nothing sounds appetizing. Believe me when I tell you that I am not complaining about these symptoms. It is a bit of a catch 22. I am trying very hard to eat, drink, and rest regularly to keep the shaky/nauseous feelings away, but when it works and I feel good panic creeps in. It is so complicated being pregnant in a post infertility world.
On a lighter note... You may have noticed that I am making baby hats for one of my readers. I don't want to leave anyone out, but I also don't want to *jinx* anyone by offering hats early on in a pregnancy. Soooo..... if and when any of you reach a point in your pregnancy when you feel ready, drop me a comment and I'll put you on the hat list :)
*why yes, I am extremely superstitious.
I am terribly ignorant about blogging, I just type and publish. So it's going to take me some work and time to figure out how to publish the award, and to list the blogs I want to award in return. I just want you guys to know that I really appreciate the award, and I appreciate you :) Tutorials are GREATLY appreciated, btw...just be easy on me because I'm old and slow ;)
Tomorrow is a big day. The boys turn 6, and I am going in for my first ultrasound. Tuesday I had bloodwork and the nurse informed me that all was well, and that they would see me for my ultrasound and "Then off to the OB." What chipper confidence! It is taking some doing, but I am determined to feel positive about this pregnancy until I'm given a reason NOT to.
Today I am 6 weeks 3 days pregnant. (isn't it nice doing IVF? we are able to know how old our embryos are practically to the hour.) I feel like crap most days. I may be shaky and nauseous in the morning, but perfectly fine in the afternoon...or I'm fine until it suddenly hits me that I haven't eaten within the last few hours and I immediately feel like crap. I do better when I eat and drink regularly in small intervals, but nothing sounds appetizing. Believe me when I tell you that I am not complaining about these symptoms. It is a bit of a catch 22. I am trying very hard to eat, drink, and rest regularly to keep the shaky/nauseous feelings away, but when it works and I feel good panic creeps in. It is so complicated being pregnant in a post infertility world.
On a lighter note... You may have noticed that I am making baby hats for one of my readers. I don't want to leave anyone out, but I also don't want to *jinx* anyone by offering hats early on in a pregnancy. Soooo..... if and when any of you reach a point in your pregnancy when you feel ready, drop me a comment and I'll put you on the hat list :)
*why yes, I am extremely superstitious.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Thanksgiving
I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a wonderful husband. I have a beautiful home, that we were lucky enough to purchase in this terrible economy for a price that we could afford without straining our budgets. And of course, more than anything else, I am thankful for my children. I am thankful that they are here, in spite of all the odds that were against them being here. I'm thankful for their good health, even though we've had a couple of scares. I'm thankful that NB continues to learn and thrive and to show everyone how non disabling a disability can be. I'm thankful that I was given the chance to have one more child, and that for the time being, that the chance has proven successful.
With so much to be thankful for, you might find it hard to believe that there was a time when Thanksgiving sucked hard core. It was in fact one of the lowest points in my life to date, and has put every Thanksgiving since under its shadow, to the point where I wish I could fast forward through the damn holiday completely.
Yeah, it's got family. But it is the same exact family that I'll have over my house for the following Sunday to celebrate the twins' birthday. Sure, it's got food, but I've never liked turkey, and we've got Christmas coming up in a few weeks anyhow. And so far the holiday just baffles the kids. All this food and family...but it's not somebody's birthday? What, no balloons or cake?
Seven years ago on Halloween I found out I was pregnant for the first time ever. A few days before Thanksgiving we found out that the pregnancy was no longer viable, and in spite of the fact that my HCG levels kept stubbornly rising, it was a 'missed miscarriage'. By Thanksgiving day I was no longer pregnant, but my body didn't know it. The smell of the turkey cooking was unbelievably nauseating. I would have loved to knock back a few to numb the pain, but alcohol tasted like metal in my mouth and made me gag. On top of feeling pregnant when I wasn't any longer, I was bleeding, aching, and tired. All I wanted was to curl up with a heating pad and weep...for days and days. In retrospect, I wish I had. Who cares what my family would think about my absence? If I had, maybe Thanksgiving wouldn't be the doomed holiday it has felt like ever since...even in the midst of my good fortune.
Please let this new and fragile pregnancy continue so I can look at Thanksgiving as a time of joy, and not the beginning of the end. And please bless my fellow infertile travelers who are pregnant the same peace of mind.
With so much to be thankful for, you might find it hard to believe that there was a time when Thanksgiving sucked hard core. It was in fact one of the lowest points in my life to date, and has put every Thanksgiving since under its shadow, to the point where I wish I could fast forward through the damn holiday completely.
Yeah, it's got family. But it is the same exact family that I'll have over my house for the following Sunday to celebrate the twins' birthday. Sure, it's got food, but I've never liked turkey, and we've got Christmas coming up in a few weeks anyhow. And so far the holiday just baffles the kids. All this food and family...but it's not somebody's birthday? What, no balloons or cake?
Seven years ago on Halloween I found out I was pregnant for the first time ever. A few days before Thanksgiving we found out that the pregnancy was no longer viable, and in spite of the fact that my HCG levels kept stubbornly rising, it was a 'missed miscarriage'. By Thanksgiving day I was no longer pregnant, but my body didn't know it. The smell of the turkey cooking was unbelievably nauseating. I would have loved to knock back a few to numb the pain, but alcohol tasted like metal in my mouth and made me gag. On top of feeling pregnant when I wasn't any longer, I was bleeding, aching, and tired. All I wanted was to curl up with a heating pad and weep...for days and days. In retrospect, I wish I had. Who cares what my family would think about my absence? If I had, maybe Thanksgiving wouldn't be the doomed holiday it has felt like ever since...even in the midst of my good fortune.
Please let this new and fragile pregnancy continue so I can look at Thanksgiving as a time of joy, and not the beginning of the end. And please bless my fellow infertile travelers who are pregnant the same peace of mind.
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